Down the Stream

This is silly, I know. I've mentioned it before, but not running shouldn't be the end of the world. And it isn't. I get that. Really. But it is pretty fucking irritating.

It's been one week since I was told three weeks and I'm going to bitch, sorry. Things do not feel one third better. They do not feel one percent better. Granted, they don't feel worse, either. But that's not a terribly high bar, considering I've actually listened to every order the doctor gave me. I haven't taken any long walks, or attempted to jog a single step.

The brace looks fucking stupid.

Ellipticals are boring.

It is warm now, and so there are people out running, always running. Some look better than others, but all look better than me, who is not running. Generally my disposition is to love everyone I see out loping along; but right now, I'm hating them. This is petty and stupid, I know. But it is what it is.

Neither home life nor work are helping. Of course, there's the anxiety that comes with having an internet connection. The intrepid injured can further diagnose themselves with any number of maladies, without the inconvenience of a second opinion, or objective testing. That, though, wouldn't be so bad, if I didn't spend literally my entire Monday on a podiatry journal, reading "Patient presented with pain in lower left leg..." and ending with something like "Patient healed normally from amputation."

Everything requires surgery forever. That's pretty much what I learned today.

Also, I don't have diabetic foot ulcers. So at least there's that. The bright side? Part of it.

A week isn't that long. Three isn't that long. Four, six, whatever it comes to, isn't really that long.

And the gym has been kind to me so far. Ellipticals are boring, but they get the job done. Stationary bikes and rowing machines supplement nicely, since I can more easily (and safely) jack my heart rate up on those. In some ways, I may come out of this in better "shape", speaking abstractly. Not as fast a runner, right then and there, but with a nice foundation.

All of that is true, for sure. It's just difficult not to feel pangs of absence, even if it's only a week. And it's difficult not to feel a little stupid, frankly. "Ambitious relative newcomer to sport hurts himself by failing to recover, and oh by the way, wearing flimsy little excuses for shoes" is a story bordering on cliche, at this point.

So yeah, it sucks. But yeah, it doesn't really. On an intellectual level, I know this. But running - the kind with dirt and rocks, specifically - doesn't stimulate on a purely intellectual level. The other levels it targets are legion, and they feel deprived.

But we'll get there. And this will seem silly navel gazing when we do.